4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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