Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
