remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
what day is it and did you see me today?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
