I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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