she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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