I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
