I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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