Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
