Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
