and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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