so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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