Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When are your genitals available?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
