There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You pole danced in your parka.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
