You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
