it hurts more in the daytime
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
