Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
