You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Randomize
