I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
