I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
