I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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