We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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