Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
