my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You dont lie about slip and slides
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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