we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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