Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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