yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
