you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
