We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
