So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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