You can't special order awesome
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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