i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
