he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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