just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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