It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
