so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
