Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
