Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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