and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
