u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
