You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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