He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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