nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
