do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
