I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
