Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So apparently I’m into choking now
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