tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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