Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
