On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
