first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
