i already hear my dad disowning me
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's no shave November. This is our time.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
