i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm like, not good at living.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
