i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
