I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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