All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
