Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
