I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
