The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
