he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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