Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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